The Very Old and the Very Young

 

Life is sometimes described as a linear spectrum like the spectrum of light from gamma to ultraviolet - the bookends of life, and sometimes as a circle representing the continuous cycle of birth, life, death, and rebirth found in nature.

In most modern societies, human life is valued on the basis of productivity. A child is groomed for a productive adulthood, and the elderly are deemed to be no longer productive after a certain age.   However, the psychologist Carl Jung reminds us that ’A human being would certainly not grow to be 70 or 80 years old if this longevity had no meaning for the species to which he belongs.”

The very old and the very young are dismissively described as having similar states of physical and emotional dependency. The derogatory word, dotage, describes the elderly as feeble minded. Yet the elders of society have within them the experience of a lifetime, a book filled with valuable information we, far too often, fail to open.

Extraordinary dynamics emerge when the very young and the very old find a connection. Most families that retain the extended family structure are aware of the bond between children and their grandparents. Young people may seek the guidance of an older mentor either for professional or personal advice. Literature, art and cinema return again and again to explore cross-generational relationships, one of the best-known being Ernest Hemingway’s novel, The Old Man and the Sea.

For a child the elderly are safe and reassuring. They can be the trusted confidante. Both are comfortable with a slower pace, often communicating without the need for words.  The elderly have more time to listen attentively, with more empathy than judgement, which can be comforting for young people. They can be outspoken with each other. A child can send a card to an older friend saying “I am glad you are not dead” which will be cherished rather than cause offence. The very young have not yet acquired societal pressure and older people have divested themselves of it.  Rumi says “When a man makes up a story for his child, he becomes a father and a child together, listening”.

It is not just the children who benefit, but also the elders who feel they have a meaningful role. In turn, helping an elderly person or just spending time with them and listening to their stories, makes young people feel valued and useful. 

Children live in the present and everything from a dewdrop on a leaf to the crackling sound of an empty chips packet is a source of new wonder, and rekindles the joy of everyday things in the elder companion. The playfulness and innocent irreverence of children, encourages adults to let go, lighten their spirits, and takes them back to their own wonder years.  Interacting with young people may be one of the best ways to become a Super Adult, a newly formulated term which describes men and women over the age of 80 with the energy and mind of a much younger person.

The elders of a society are acknowledged by sociologists as the key transmitters of traditions, ensuring the continuity of a culture. Sharing stories of their own childhood, learnt wisdom, or events from their lives, makes the past come to life. Rumi says “There's no one with intelligence in this town except that man over there playing with the children, the one riding the stick horse. He has keen, fiery insight and vast dignity like the night sky, but he conceals it in the madness of child's play.”

Children are naturally spiritual and offer valuable insights unmoderated by the learned responses that will be imposed in later years. This forms another bond with the elderly whose spirituality re-emerges in the twilight years. The mystic poet, William Blake, depicted a child as a lamb, an adult as a tiger and then a return to the innocence of a lamb. In the Tao it is encouraged to seek the attributes of an infant, and be as spontaneous and curious as a child. Picasso said “It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.”

The actor Maggie Smith has played many roles in films loved by young people. Usually depicted as a strict disciplinarian, but secretly tolerant of a bit of mischief, makes children both respect and love the characters she plays. In one of her poems, she explains why older people feel drawn to support the very young - “Because you’re new here, you need someone”.

 

Durriya Kazi

Karachi

February 21, 20252

durriyakazi1918@gmail.com