The Culture of Me First
How did we get from pehlay aap ( after you) to pehlay mein ( me first) ?
The pehlay aap culture is associated with Lucknow, the
epitome of what is called Northern Indian culture, the region most influenced
by successive Muslim empires. Lucknow came into its own as a cultural centre with
the decline of the Mughal Empire. Here evolved the highest forms of poetry, tanz
o zarafat( satriric) prose, music,
dance, theatre, art, architecture, elegant fashion, refined pastimes,
innovative cuisine, even intellectual courtesans. Tehzeb ( a cultured way of
life ) is often linked to tamadun ( the
art of living together ). Lucknow was known for its ganga-jamuni culture - the merging of the best of cultures, an ‘entente
cordiale’.
It all came crashing down in 1856 when the East India
Company annexed the state of Oudh and sent the Nawab, Wajid Ali Shah, into
exile in Calcutta. Abdul Haleem Sharar wrote the ultimate elegy to the city in
his book Guzashta Lucknow, 1926. Nevertheless the Lucknow legacy set the bar
for refined culture for generations to come. Many believe even the Bollywood
film industry developed because of its roots in the culture of Lucknow, and its
writers, singers and music composers.
The pehlay aap culture was a reflection of this
refinement. The joys of life were for
sharing not competing for the spotlight. People described themselves as Khaksar
(as humble as dust). You were invited to their ghareb khana ( poor house). Even
the most lowly were addressed as aap, qibla or janab. In great rage a person
would be called an ahmaq ( foolish) or
jahil ( illiterate).
This art of self-deprecation is also a hallmark of that
other great culture – the Japanese, where Jigyaku-teki, or humility is intended
to put a person at ease, create harmony and avoid conflict.
British self-deprecation, mostly seen in their humour, is a
more complex art that sits comfortably with a nation that had the panache to
conquer and rule countries many times their size. Nevertheless, it was deemed
unseemly to brag or to be openly competitive.
According to Will Storr, author of Selfie: How We Became So
Self-Obsessed and What It's Doing to Us, the genesis of the ‘Me First’ culture
can be can be traced to Californian
politician John Vasconcellos, who in
1986 instituted ''The State Task Force
to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility ''. All the ills
of society could be cured by raising self-esteem, starting with parenting and
teaching, often overpraising to encourage
children, regardless of the quality of their achievements. It sounds very commendable, but Storr suggests
it led to an epidemic of narcissism in the 80s and 90s, whose effects can still
be felt.
The concept became viral and spread across the world. It became entwined with the Thatcher-Reagan
economic model that, according to Storr, turned
life into competition, like the film, Hunger Games, where a person has
to be obsessed with self in order to get on in life. “ I will never feel bad
about doing what’s best for me”, “ You’ve got to be your own hero” “ look out
for yourself” “ Wipe out the competition” are some of the mantras of the Me
First culture. The gentilesse of “ after
you” became a weakness.
In her article Me! Me! Me! Are we
living through a narcissism epidemic?, Zoe
Williams points out that narcissistic people take pride in not caring for
others. However, while self-promotion and individuality are presented as essential,
in their hearts people long for the
support of friends and community, especially when they are struggling with the
pressures of life.
In Pakistan ‘Me First’ is of course most evident in traffic
behavior, but it is also becoming an aspiration in big corporations,
educational institutions, political parties, and many professions. In 1981,
British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher said “economics is the method but my
object is to change the soul”.
One would like to believe that while institutions modeled on
international aspirations may have adopted the Me First philosophy, at a social
level, the pehlay aap culture is still valued in Pakistan. According to the
Hofstede Report, Pakistanis are a collectivistic society rather than
individualistic. Hierarchy is maintained in families. Hospitality and charity
are cornerstones of Pakistani Society. They may push ahead while driving on the
road, but in their homes, pehlay aap hospitality prevails.
Durriya Kazi
November 5, 2022
Karachi
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