Rediscovering Gentleness
At the end of Craig Foster’s 2020 documentary film “My
Octopus Teacher”, he shows his son the wonders of nature along the shore and in
the sea. He says the most important thing to learn is a gentleness that thousands
of hours in nature can teach a child.
The word gentleness suddenly stood out and could well be the best description of the
film. It is a word rarely used today. One is more likely to hear the words,
success, ambition or being tough in an ungiving world.
Today, the word gentleness, is more likely to be used
as a quality to sell face cream, pampers, or bedsheets, rather than as a spiritual value.
Once a quality to be nurtured, gentleness gradually became associated with
high birth, and soon lost its value as education and power spread across
class. Today, we rarely hear people
being described as gentlemen, and its extension, gentrification, has acquired a negative connotation of
deliberate exclusivity.
Gentleness as a quality is seen as sentimental,
mawkish or weak - people who can be easily pushed around, who live in a bubble,
and are not empowered to survive the challenges of life today. Often perceived
as a feminine emotion, men in particular, who are naturally gentle, are
encouraged to keep it hidden.
The only circumstances where gentleness has
remained acceptable is in parenting, teaching or healing professions, in
contrast to “tough love” parenting, strictness in the classroom or
dispassionate professionalism. Popular culture is filled with innocuous gentle
giant characters - characters that are
large and strong but are not violent or aggressive, from King Kong to John
Coffey in the film The Green Mile.
In a food-chain defined world of eat or be
eaten, gentleness seems a recipe for failure.
Yet gentleness is a much stronger quality than the reputation it has
acquired. The philosopher Anne Dufourmantelle reminds us that key moments of
our lives, especially at the beginning and end, are marked by gentleness. She suggests gentleness is an extraordinary
force of resistance within ethics and politics. Gentleness is not just noble,
but intelligent and powerful.
A gentle
person remains calm, consistent, puts people at ease, is active not reactive,
brings about change through persuasion rather than intimidation, and can wait
patiently for opposition to breakdown over time. Gentleness as a choice is an act of strength. John
Locke believes “Gentleness is far more
successful in all its enterprises than violence; indeed, violence generally
frustrates its own purpose, while gentleness scarcely ever fails.” Gentleness
has a formidable list of proponents –
Buddha, Lao Tzu, the Prophets Jesus and Muhammad, and Sufi masters. Art, along with poetry and music, employs
gentleness in a more pragmatic fashion – by observing subtle emotions, nuances
of colours and form.
Gentleness made a comeback through moving images on
television sets across the world, of health workers comforting Covid patients, especially those dying
without their families around.
The world has clearly moved away from business as
usual. Aggressive wars, global corporate
speculation, damage to the climate and inequality, has left people anxious, and
hurting. Corporate Social
Responsibility, microfinancing, formulating Millennium Development Goals are
token acknowledgements of the realization that we need an axial change. Perhaps
the new style of leadership is
symbolized by New Zealand’s Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, who has impressed the world with her ability
for strength, decisiveness and determination with empathy, gentleness and
compassion. Gentleness is seen as the
new act of rebellion.
The 13th C Sheikh Edebali in his famous verses for Osman,
“Now you are king!”, advises qualities of calmness, tolerance, encouragement,
forgiveness, unifying people in the face of wrath, disunity and indolence. His contemporary Jalauddin Rumi wrote “Raise
your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder”
Durriya Kazi
January 9, 2020
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