Living With Honour 

In a time when expediency often takes precedence over morality, we overlook how much or our daily activity is based on trust.  A simple act like driving on the road is based on assurance that the  driver will not drive into one’s car. We assume the doctor we visit has not lied about his specialization degree. From childhood, trust is a cornerstone of our lives. A child has to trust his parents, later his teachers and his friends, the authors of books, and pilot of a plane. One cannot function without the basis of trust. Yet trust is also a complex nuanced relationship the importance of which needs to be constantly reinforced.

Erik Erikson, the developmental psychologist, marks eight stages of life that pivot around certain fundamental conflicts starting with Trust vs Mistrust and ending with Integrity vs Despair. The first stage requires trusting others, but is gradually internalized: at some stage in our lives, we become aware of the need for self-belief, for living up to our own expectations. 

We are trained  for developing high self- expectations  through children’s stories; primary school teachers who give us stars for neat handwriting;  parents who give us a special treat when we do well in our studies. And then it all becomes a bit muddy and unclear, presumably as relationships become unmanaged encounters with acquaintances or strangers, each who come with their own values.

Declarations of trust have now to be made and are no longer assumed. Oaths have to be taken in courts of law, Doctors take the Hippocratic Oath, countries exact an oath of loyalty when giving citizenship, and when appointing members of parliament or presidents. Marriage is a vow, some an oath of fidelity others a civil legal contract.

These personal vows are called honour when expanded into the social domain. In Pakistan, honour has come to be seen with suspicion with the association of the word with “honour killing”. In this sense honour is distinctly a male privilege .  There are a surprising,  or maybe not so surprising, number of related words in Urdu: izzat, ghairat, abroo, waqaar, tazeem, taqaddus, ehteraam to name a few, that apply to both genders as well as age groups.

Iqbal’s eulogy in Bang e Dara for the teenage Fatima Bint Abdullah, who was martyred  in Tripoli during the anti colonial uprisings of the early 20 Century  : “Fatima! Tu Abroo-e-Ummat-e-Marhoom Hai” acknowledges a heroism that is usually reserved for men in battle.  

The English word  “honour” is a much louder word. A glory to be achieved or bestowed upon by one’s peers  through actions in the public realm of war or governance , often gaining legendary status  through oral and written traditions. Chivalry is honourable  behavior  recognized rather than bestowed.   11th-12th century European Chivalry was greatly influenced by ancient Arabian Chivalry (Al-Furúsiyyah Al-Arabiya). Today Knighthoods are awarded for services to science, academics and sports rather than in recognition of character. Perhaps sports remains the only arena where duels are fought, or champions take on champions.

One of the proposed reasons that honour ceased to be integral to society, is the development of  the modern liberal democratic state, where the laws of the state take over the role of determining and, if necessary, punishing right and wrong. 

There is, however, a renewed interest in the concept of honour.  In “Honor in the Modern World”  Dan Demetriou, Laurie Johnson, examine the notions of honour in different cultures and times.  “After a century-long hiatus, honor is back. Academics, pundits, and everyday citizens alike are rediscovering the importance of this ancient and powerful human motive”. Society needs something bigger than itself to believe in.

Honour in the battlefield , has been replaced by honourable behavior in a social sphere: such as the selflessness of Abdul Sattar Edhi and Dr Ruth Pfau.  Honour can also be a private internal quality. One must be honourable in one’s own eyes, do the right thing even when no one is looking.   As the Hadith says, if you cannot correct a wrong, then recognize it as wrong; or, the correct manner of charity in both Christianity and Islam, “let not your left hand know the good deed of your right hand”.

Personal honour was once an important quality. If reputation is how others see you, honour  is how you see yourself. Namak Harami, or betrayal of a person whose salt one had eaten, was a horrifying thought. A king asked a famous musician to perform the raag “Mian ki Todi”. He refused , despite the fear of incensing the king, saying he had pledged  to not perform that raag until he had repaid a loan.  It was common to present a hair from one’s moustache as an act of good faith.  To give one’s word or shake hands on an agreement was as good as signing on the dotted line before two witnesses. To face dishonor ,“Pagri uchalna”, was a huge loss of face. It is difficult to imagine such values today.

However, we can see personal integrity, honesty and courage to stand for what is right, returning in the many mass protests across the world, especially amongst younger people faced with racial and religious prejudice in their societies, whether in Trump’s America or Pakistan’s  battle with extremism. 

“The greatest way to live with honour in this world is to be what we pretend to be.”  Socrates.

Durriya Kazi

September 1, 2017